... Diffraction softening is not a myth.
I wanna address a few things in your post, since you seem to be either making assumptions or putting words in my mouth. As someone who shoots single frames at high mag I understand diffraction better than most. The problem isn't that the light is bending as it's passing through the aperture, it's that the rays are spreading out into a cone. Noticeable diffraction is defined as light rays spreading out so that they fall half way into adjacent pixels. So sensors that have gaps between the pixels are less diffraction prone because a lot of diffracted light doesn't get recorded (bleeds into the gaps) and sensors with gap-less micro-lenses are more diffraction prone (no spaces to hide diffracted light). So the physical makeup of the sensor plays a roll in how much diffraction is recorded...
But notice how none of that has anything to do with effective aperture, because the physical aperture of the lens is all that really matters. So why does diffraction increase with magnification? Because you're magnifying the effects of it. Easier to see the softening as the mag goes up...
If noticeable diffraction is diffracted light spilling half way into adjacent pixels then what effect would movement, as little a a 1/4 the width of a pixel, have on diffraction?...
You add a ton of sharpening to your images (which is fine - just observation) which does certainly correct diffraction softening to some extent,
Images have to be sharpened due to the way that the sensor records the data. No matter how much you think you're defeating diffraction at some point, either in camera or in post, you have to sharpen your photos. Sharpening an image does not decrease diffraction...
but is also adds a crunchiness that I dont particularly like in my own images, so I am a kind of picky with diffraction limits.
I'd argue that a lot of what you are blaming on diffraction is actually motion amplified diffraction, an effect I like to call macro motion blur. It's not as obvious as traditional motion blur in an image, but it will increase diffraction softening. You're getting sharper images at lower Fstops because your flash duration gets shorter...
Although not as obvious as freezing a bullet as it's passing through an apple flash based macro is a form of flash based stop motion photography. The shorter your flash duration the sharper your images will be.
Last, but certainly not least, I'd like you to point out a single one of my images that's "crunchy" because it's over sharpened.
Also, it doesnt matter that the actual aperture size stays the same. Thats not what the f-stop calculation is. I know you know that, but I dont know why you said that about the aperture size. There is more to it than that, obv
Focal length divided by the aperture diameter = Fstop. Does the focal length of a lens change as the magnification increases? Yes, if your using a lens that has internal focusing the focal length will decrease with the lens set to minimum focus. But it's not a huge drop, less than 50% for a macro lens, and even less for non macro lenses. Canon's 100mm macro is about a 72mm lens at 1x, and the EF-S 60mm is 37mm. I use the later for shooting macro cause it only takes 37mm of extension to get that lens to 2x.
I understand effective aperture as it relates to exposure. When you approach, and pass, life size magnification the amount of surface area that's reflecting light back into the lens drops dramatically. So you need more light to expose the scene. Got it, no problem. But I don't think that effective aperture really applies when you're trying to figure out diffraction effects. The physical aperture that the light is passing though is not changing, and that's what's causing the light to bend (cone). So me thinks that two things are happening: As the mag increases the effects of diffraction are being magnified so that they are easier to see. The other is that it's taking a lot more light to expose the scene (effective aperture comes into play here), so motion is going to cause diffraction to get worse. There could be more to it than that, and I could be totally out to lunch. But there would have to be something in the lens physically changing to cause diffraction to increase. Could also be something as simple as the magnification itself that's forcing the light to cone out more. Effective Fstop seems to me to be no more than a convenient way to calculate diffraction effects. But I just don't think that the effective Fstop itself is what's causing diffraction to increase -I think there's a lot more to it.
P.S. I get sharp images at high mag and Fstop cause I understand that diffraction isn't the monster that the macro community at large has made it out to be. Most of you are fooling yourselves. There's noticeable diffraction in the green channel at F4 and 1x no matter what sensor you use...