SuperleggeraV4
Active member
Should have ran it by her or given her some warning... you dun goofed.
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partner angry at requests for art nude photography
- Thread starter barrym1966
- Start date
Corkcampbell
Veteran Member
No text
Charles McRobert
Veteran Member
Your goose is cooked.
Consider what you have done (engaged in a form of deception) and prepare to make amends. It may be too late to secure trust with your partner.
You may end up paying for separate maintenance for a long time to come.
Consider what you have done (engaged in a form of deception) and prepare to make amends. It may be too late to secure trust with your partner.
You may end up paying for separate maintenance for a long time to come.
D
Donald B
Guest
I'm going to tell you a little story about a friend photographer. He did the exact thing as you and his wife left with the 4 kids. They have since got back together but to be honest he is a perv he keeps telling his wife his photography is art but all us photographer friends think different and it shows in his images its like he is living a fantasy of his , maybe im A little bit of a prude but his images are a little weird to say the least even the judjes at our photography club comment on the twisted mind of the photographer when judging his images. All I can say is good luck I've had 2 insecure wife's and I'm not going a third quite happy on my own with no Hassel's. BTW my 13 yo daughter chose to live with me 
Cheers don
Cheers don
Ron Poelman
Veteran Member
[No message]
donaldsc
Veteran Member
Ignoring your relationship issues, was there anyone else in the studio besides you and the model when you did the shots. If so, you should make her aware of it. If not, you were really stupid even if nothing at all happened and I totally accept that nothing happened.
fmian
Veteran Member
1. Communication is key in a relationship. It's her house too. You wouldn't redecorate the bathroom without discussing it with her would you?
2. Full time photographer. Never done art nudes. Before taking a crack at getting some nude models in, why didn't you ask your wife to pose for you? Bonding and trust building exercise.
3. Depending on how you communicated with the models (the communication she saw) you better do some really quick understanding of her perspective on this and come to terms with the fact that all signs point to you doing something deceptive. Even if you're not trying to get some eye on the sly.
4. Apologize apologize apologize.. tell her you had a lapse of judgement cause your head (the one with the thinking parts in it) got caught up in the creative process.
And just to add an anecdote, I did a series of conceptual nudes with a male cross dresser once and word somehow got to my Dad about it. He was so insanely furious that he harassed my brother about it for weeks because he couldn't bring himself to approach me. Until my brother cracked and asked me to speak to my Dad so he'd leave him alone. Fun times...
--
Shoot life. Shoot film.
IG: @primephotographysydney
2. Full time photographer. Never done art nudes. Before taking a crack at getting some nude models in, why didn't you ask your wife to pose for you? Bonding and trust building exercise.
3. Depending on how you communicated with the models (the communication she saw) you better do some really quick understanding of her perspective on this and come to terms with the fact that all signs point to you doing something deceptive. Even if you're not trying to get some eye on the sly.
4. Apologize apologize apologize.. tell her you had a lapse of judgement cause your head (the one with the thinking parts in it) got caught up in the creative process.
And just to add an anecdote, I did a series of conceptual nudes with a male cross dresser once and word somehow got to my Dad about it. He was so insanely furious that he harassed my brother about it for weeks because he couldn't bring himself to approach me. Until my brother cracked and asked me to speak to my Dad so he'd leave him alone. Fun times...
--
Shoot life. Shoot film.
IG: @primephotographysydney
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Kokopelli_Rocks
Veteran Member
I am fully with you golfhov. My Wife and I are approaching our 28th anniversary. We have everything in common, we have separate email accounts, but they are all in a common email client. We know each other's PWs for all accounts. Not because we don't trust each other, but so we can support each other. If I forget a PW she can remind me. I don't keep secrets from my wife, we work together, play together, live together, raise our kids together and I look forward to growing old together.
Right now we have been apart for a few months, I accepted a job in another city. We talk and text all the time, often several times a day. We miss each other and love to talk about what has been going on during the day. The family will be moving here next month, as soon as we close on the new house, until then we talk. I have always had a side photo business, but have not started it back up here until we move into our house. If I had decided to switch up my photography and start taking "art" Nude photos. I would Definitely tell my wife. But, I would not do that to my wife. I don't have any problems with beautiful nude photos, I just have no desire to take any.
I don't know why the OP can't understand why his partner is upset. If he truly believed taking nude photos would not cause a problem with his partner, then why wait until she leaves. I know several happily married photographers who take a lot of nude photos, but in all cases their wife/partner know and approve of the photography. In many cases their wives help out in the studio. I agree with others, this speaks of a major trust issue and I don't think it is with your partner.
This situation is like the people who go on business trips and are totally different people when they are away from their loved ones. They think they are sneaky, but after 30 years in business I have yet to see people who act like this that have not been divorced at least once. The truth gets out and relationships and families are destroyed. Again, the issue here is not taking nude photos, I don't have a problem with people taking nude photos (art or otherwise). The issue not talking about it with your partner/wife. I believe trust and respect are key to a relationship and honesty is key to making that happen.
golfhov
Veteran Member
Good for you. I am really not looking forward to old age. I also have a lot of my own activities. Golf(less and less these days), football with the feet, a guys trip every year, etc. I think there is nothing wrong w a balance of personal, relationship, work, and family time. It is hard to achieve these days even if we have the resources
We are on the exact same page here. I do not think my wife would care at all if nudes were a subject matter for me. It is not though. Probably never will be.
Agreed. I don't know how old he is? I am gonna guess mid 20s.
He explained it as "he now had extra time and with his kid out of the house felt comfortable" . That reads strange to me.....
We see this the exact same way. Many others on here also. The photograpghy is not the problem.
Yeah man. I really hope he asks the moderator to take this thread down. Not only did he step in it but he doesn't realize it. This thread has filled up with a lot of harsh words for him. Some of it he deserves.
I think the biggest thing he should take from this is a lesson in just thinking outside yourself for one second. This shouldn't come as a shock that a nude woman in your girlfriends house can cause problems. If this is what he did day in and day out probably no big deal. I also hope that he has thought through all the issues in dealing with nudes. Things like contracts, releases, ID cards, having a witness/helper present, etc are UBER important to avoid the rare troublemaker
tko
Veteran Member
You actually hid it from her, waiting until she was gone. No effort to discuss it, work out some precautions? And now it's her fault.
So you don't have a job? Because you aren't acting like a professional photographer and it doesn't sound like you have anything else going on, being bored and all. You have model forms, signed releases, someone to pay you for the photos, a chaperon, make up artist, and assistant for those photos? Do you earn any significant income from your hobby? How about a web site we can see? You know, some internet presence for that upcoming career. Could we see one of your portraits? Because shots like you have in your gallery aren't going to cut it, and they don't look like there were shot in any mythical studio.
So, Mr. Innocent. Why didn't use your partner for the shoot? Have her do some makeup, some clothing suggestions, put everyone at ease? Another woman on a shoot is a big asset. Nope, you excluded her from your road-to-fame scheme, probably because you knew she'd object.
So you don't have a job? Because you aren't acting like a professional photographer and it doesn't sound like you have anything else going on, being bored and all. You have model forms, signed releases, someone to pay you for the photos, a chaperon, make up artist, and assistant for those photos? Do you earn any significant income from your hobby? How about a web site we can see? You know, some internet presence for that upcoming career. Could we see one of your portraits? Because shots like you have in your gallery aren't going to cut it, and they don't look like there were shot in any mythical studio.
So, Mr. Innocent. Why didn't use your partner for the shoot? Have her do some makeup, some clothing suggestions, put everyone at ease? Another woman on a shoot is a big asset. Nope, you excluded her from your road-to-fame scheme, probably because you knew she'd object.
Gato Amarillo
Veteran Member
I think this is something you should have worked out with your partner before you ever took the first step toward doing it.
While your intentions may be innocent, your partner's anger seems justified.
G.
While your intentions may be innocent, your partner's anger seems justified.
G.
createdlight
Well-known member
Kind of like Loretto Lynch and Bill, we were only taking about grand kids!!!!!
What did the models say when you took off your clothes?
lumigraphics
Veteran Member
There must have been some serious issues before this. Checking up on your accounts? Threatening to move out?
Sounds like you two need relationship counseling and now. This has nothing to do with shooting nude models.
Sounds like you two need relationship counseling and now. This has nothing to do with shooting nude models.
I think that if I had an issue like this with my wife it would be kinda pathetic to turn to strangers on a website for advice, where people quibble about cameras and DxO charts.
Many a truth is spoken in jest.
Have you told us whether the nude models were male or female?
stevejenn
Veteran Member
Good post Bob. After 50 years of marriage, when I ask my wife if I can do nudes, she just laughs without answering.
Steve J
Steve J
GodSpeaks
Veteran Member
Fact: Not everyone has the same attitude towards photographing nudes.
Fact: Many women are eithir insecure or simply do not trust the man in their life. Some are just control freaks.
Did you ever discuss any of this with your wife at any time? If so, one would presume that she made her feelings known. If not, why not?
I am 65 now and have been shooting nudes since my early 20's. I have never hidden my photographic endevours from any of the women I known during my life. Some were ok with it, some were not.
Any woman who gave me the ultimatum of her or 'them', lost the vote.
I try to engage my GF in the process by trying to get them involved. They can try shooting if they desire, or assist with hair, makeup, clothing and/or posing. Some have done so, most didn't.
They can also just sit in the background and watch if that is what they want. Most did that, but eventually got bored with it and left me alone to do my thing. But they were always around and aware.
The main point here is, NO SECRETS.
From reading your post it sounds like you did not discuss this beforehand with your wife and she found out about it via an alternate source. That was a mistake.
She may be over reacting, but that's life and you have to deal with it. You should have known beforehand what her reaction was likely to be. Now it's your mess to clean up.
By the way, coming onto DPR asking for support is also a mistake. You need to be dealing with your wife and getting this mess you created sorted out ASAP.
Good luck.
Fact: Many women are eithir insecure or simply do not trust the man in their life. Some are just control freaks.
Did you ever discuss any of this with your wife at any time? If so, one would presume that she made her feelings known. If not, why not?
I am 65 now and have been shooting nudes since my early 20's. I have never hidden my photographic endevours from any of the women I known during my life. Some were ok with it, some were not.
Any woman who gave me the ultimatum of her or 'them', lost the vote.
I try to engage my GF in the process by trying to get them involved. They can try shooting if they desire, or assist with hair, makeup, clothing and/or posing. Some have done so, most didn't.
They can also just sit in the background and watch if that is what they want. Most did that, but eventually got bored with it and left me alone to do my thing. But they were always around and aware.
The main point here is, NO SECRETS.
From reading your post it sounds like you did not discuss this beforehand with your wife and she found out about it via an alternate source. That was a mistake.
She may be over reacting, but that's life and you have to deal with it. You should have known beforehand what her reaction was likely to be. Now it's your mess to clean up.
By the way, coming onto DPR asking for support is also a mistake. You need to be dealing with your wife and getting this mess you created sorted out ASAP.
Good luck.
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