While i know there are many fine French individuals, as a "group"
they haven't exactly been seen something to admire. This was posted
in a newsgroup by someone who seems to know a little history... BG.
1/24/2003
Hoist by Their Own Petain
So, after 58 years, the French have decided that they prefer Vichy
after all . It's hardly surprising. When the Vichy regime was in
power, one could pretty much do what one wanted when it came to
those troublesome Jews. Yes, there were shortages and lots of
Germans around, but that's not much different from the present.
Plus, just like today, the truly intellectual could take pride in
the notion that they were part of something larger than a piddling
little nation state. And really, " Liberté, égalité, fraternité!"
is just so passe. Vichy knew that too, which is why they were
replaced with Travail (work), Famille (family), and Patrie
(fatherland).
Not that those are any better. The modern Vichian motto might as
well be ignorez, retarde, apaisez . Ignore, delay and appease
describe the French character as well as anything else, excepts
perhaps "Unions, Vacations and Occasional Showers!".
You can hardly blame the French. France is example number one when
comes to natural selection of a nation's character.
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that
eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of
French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
their first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every
since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle
Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France
only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent
was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First
Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match
for a British footwear designer .
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of
drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by
the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's
like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her
"Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces
forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United
States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel
Song .
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to
bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and
produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the
French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the
Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese
and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a
McDonald's.
Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often
than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been
beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. There's no
national anthem in the world as ludicrous as France's
To arms, to arms, ye brave!
Th'avenging sword unsheathe!
March on, march on, all hearts resolved
On liberty or death.
Oh liberty can man resign thee,
Once having felt thy gen'rous flame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee?
Or whips thy noble spirit tame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee? Or whips thy noble
spirit tame? Yes, demonstrably. The question for any country silly
enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the
French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
You should keep that in mind, Herr Schroeder.
).
)) 
