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Why didn't I pay for it (off subject)

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Jarrell Conley

Jarrell Conley

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I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut. Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades, I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well, about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police. Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself. Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.

I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door. But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
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I've been there, and helped many a time. I've driven people to a hamburger joint for food after they've asked for money for food. I don't want to give money and encourage the purchasing of booze or whatever. But, the decision of when to help is tough......We now give to the church and let them sort it out....but still, sometimes the heart cries out to help, especially when God has so richly blessed us.
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
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bud guinn
sony.nikon
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Bud Guinn said:
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
--
bud guinn
sony.nikon
http://www.pbase.com/budguinn/root
PBase supporter
Click to expand...
--
Harris
http://www.pbase.com/backdoctor
 
Bless you for your empathy, Jarrell, but offering to pay wouldn't have changed a thing. The store manager didn't want restitution, or he would have just asked for the purloined items back. You can't change the world much, but you can take that walk, and find some happy seniors to photograph.



--
Best regards,
Frank R. ( The CP995 is discontinued, not obsolete!)
http://www.pbase.com/unclefrank/cp995&page=all
 
throw them in jail, I say! Stealing cheese! what is the workd coming to! I say protect the cheese and execute any offender that is found defacing our world with such actions!

On the other hand you could have had a word with the manager and tell him to get a life and tell the folks not to do it again and send them home!
Sad, very sad!
troubled world we live in my friends
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
 
Jarrell:

Sometimes circumstances occur in such a fashon that we can't always do what we think we should. It sounds like things, in your life this morning, went by a little too fast and with a few too many distractions. I hope your sad feeings were not the result of your thoughts on your own actions. The compassion you felt for these people is the true reflection of your character.

Cliff
 
Jarrell:

Thanks for sharing that poignant reflection. I feel for ya', I'm sure many of us would have acted just as you did and thought just as you did, and felt just as you do. Sometimes, we're not sure what the right thing really is. We're stuck between what is "right and wrong" according to law, vs what is humane and expected according to God's law (and the two don't always match).

One could argue that on the one hand, it is improbably that a a "starving" person would steal a jar of pimento cheese. On the other hand, not being a starving person, I have no idea of the desperation that might lead me to take anything I can easily conceal. On the one hand, anyone who's starving knows that there are churches, food kitchens and community shelters that have food, clothing and help for those that need it. On the other and, we don't know what the circumstances are for this particular couple ("new" to this and not aware of the help that is available? Too shy and embarrassed? Maybe they wanted to be caught and go to jail since it offered shelter and food?). On the one hand, why can't this person find work and earn money to pay for food, rather than steal it? On the other hand, how can you get a job when you don't have a home address or phone?

It's a tragic moral dilemma and you simply had the opportunity to become part of it. I say "opportunity" because there's a lesson here for you. It has caused you to think of this more deeply and determine your position and reflect on your own good fortune in life. Don't blame yourself, you probably couldn't do anythign anyway (as you realize from your own experience) and your sadness is simply a reflection of one particular plight we cofront in this world.

I firmly believe that nothing in our life is by accident. No incident that occurs--good or bad--no person we meet--good or bad--is an accident. It is all part of a larger plan. The lesson to be learned may not be evident just yet. Not everything is on our time, it's on God's time. Someday, that lesson will present itself to you and you'll think "Oh, yes...now I understand."

Frank
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
--
Whimsy is salvation for a life taken too seriously.
http://www.pbase.com/poetrunner/root
 
You people are making me think more than I really want to think today! Frank, I really appreciated all of your comments. There's so much to any situation that doesn't show on the surface that it's hard to make good snap decisions about what is the right and wrong thing to do. As for the reason for Jarrell experiencing this...he has shared it on here and made us all stop for a moment and reflect. Joan
 
Bud Guinn said:
I've been there, and helped many a time. I've driven people to a
hamburger joint for food after they've asked for money for food. I
don't want to give money and encourage the purchasing of booze or
whatever. But, the decision of when to help is tough......We now
give to the church and let them sort it out....but still, sometimes
the heart cries out to help, especially when God has so richly
blessed us.
Click to expand...
Bob:

I am glad that you feel and act that way. I am not so sure, however, that our helping of others is a function of how much God may have blessed us personally. I think all of us, whether we feel that God has been kind to us or not, have room for giving to others. It is the giving itself that blesses us.

I am reminded of a 90 year old uncle of mine. He never had very much. He never owner a home. I don't remember him ever having the wherewithall to own a car. Yet, he and his wife (now long deceased) raised three wonderful daughters.

One day, when I was about 10 years old (some 43 years ago), I was walking with my uncle, when we came upon a beggar. My uncle stopped and gave the beggar some of the little money he had. I asked my uncle why he did that. "He probably has more money than you," I said. "That doesn't matter," my uncle responded, "Its enough that he thinks he needs to beg for money."

Our actions of compassion do more for us than they do for the recipients of our charity.

Cliff
 
I just felt really bad about it. I didn't know what to do. I've been in the managers shoes, fortunately I haven't, by the grace of God, been in the couples shoes. I didn't know whether to knock on the door and make the offer or not get involved. So, I walked out and got in my nice, comfortable, customized Chevrolet truck and drove home. Maybe that's the part that bothered me. I know that's stupid, because I worked hard for that truck, well, me and my wife did. I've worked night shifts, Sundays.. every holiday on the calendar except Christmas. But, I just can't quit thinking I didn't do the right thing. I appreciate your thoughts on it. If I could change the world I would.
Jarrell
 
Wouldn't it be nice if we could change the world. Thanks for posting this, as Joan says, it certainly made me stop for a moment and reflect. I have sooooooo much to be grateful for, every day 24/7 I'm grateful for all God has blessed me with. I've been where you were today, sometimes I've walked away, sometimes not. And sometimes felt very guilty afterward. Regardless what we do though, it will never be enough. May God truly bless you Jarrell.
God Bless,
Jim
CP995, CP800
http://www.pbase.com/jrj02
 
I was in a supermarket behind a woman, who looked poor, and didn't have enough money to pay for all her groceries. She was taking some items out of the pile. I was working at the time and felt I could afford to pay the extra $10, which I did. However, the woman insisted I give her my name and address, and she sent me a check for $10. I guess it made her feel better, but I shouldn't have given her my name and address. Then again, when I look around now, mostly everybody looks poor. Everyone wears jeans or sweats, so there's no telling if they really need help or not. Maybe she had more money than I did. She did have a checking account because she sent me a check. Oh, well, I tried.

--
Muriel - 995, 775, WC-63, TC-2E
 
Jarrell,
Jarrell Conley said:
If I
could change the world I would.
Click to expand...
Wouldn't we all?

Just to put a slightly counter perspective on this, is it right to interfere in something that is clearly not your business?

I really don't know the answer, nor do I pretend to, but the reality is that this is damned if you do, and damned if you don't situation.

That you noticed, observed, and gave it some deep though is significant.

Let it also be enough; guilt for what you might have done is probably not appropriate.

--
g.
Gary Stark
[email protected]
Down under in Sydney, Oz.
 
Your story is one of those tough moments in our life paths, that's for sure. Maybe because I'm a woman I tend to try to listen to my gut instinct at those moments - I don't know? "Shoulda's" don't play into this equation. However, the story itself has so much merit. Maybe the next time one of us comes across someone in a real pickle like that, we'll remember it, and it will help us make a decision?

I do know, though, that the very fact that we are all using computers to discuss this, and have our very wonderful cameras to play with, lets me know that we are all very, very lucky indeed. Sure does put a perspective on pimento cheese.

Thanks for sharing the story, Jarrell. As always, you've provoked thought and interesting discourse once again.

ME
===============
 
Jarrell and All...

Its interesting that this showed up today at the Forum. Our pastor is preaching on Stewardship this month. Most people think MONEY when they hear the word Stewardship at church BUT it isn't about the MONEY.

Its about what we are willing to give and do for the Kingdom of God. It could be money, or using a talent that we have, or taking the time to do something for someone else. But God wants us to DO SOMETHING.

I had a friend once that was stopped by someone "asking" for money. His first thought was "he'll probably just drink it away" and just walked on by. He got about 15 feet and a thought ran through his mind... "Who are you to decide what it will be used for?" Oh, boy, that made him think! We were taught that the small voice you hear is God speaking to you. He turned back around and gave the guy all he had in his pocket. When the gentlemen said Thank You, my friend said don't thank me, Thank God because He's the one that told me to give it to you. The guy thought about for a minute, and said never mind and wanted to give the money back!

My friend said, no way, God told me to give it to you and now it is your responsibility! And then my friend walked away. It gave us the impression that the guy probably wasn't going to use it for good, that's why he didn't want to "hear" it was from God.

Jarrell and all, I apologize for rambling a little. But this all made me think and remember a couple of things, which has been mentioned by others also. This is probably one of the parts to God's big plan for today. Thank you all for sharing.

One more thought... since we all enjoy taking pictures and we probably have some that didn't turn out just the way we wanted, or we're tired of looking at them. They could probably be donated to nursing homes, senior citizens complexs, wherever. I don't know about you but have you ever stopped by to see someone in a nursing home and one person has pictures and the other doesn't, its kinda sad. Or there isn't anything to look at outside because they don' have a window or everything is kinda gloomy. We could share some of ours... just a thought.

R
 
Muriel S said:
I was in a supermarket behind a woman, who looked poor, and didn't
have enough money to pay for all her groceries. She was taking
some items out of the pile. I was working at the time and felt I
could afford to pay the extra $10, which I did. However, the woman
insisted I give her my name and address, and she sent me a check
for $10. I guess it made her feel better, but I shouldn't have
given her my name and address. Then again, when I look around now,
mostly everybody looks poor. Everyone wears jeans or sweats, so
there's no telling if they really need help or not. Maybe she had
more money than I did. She did have a checking account because she
sent me a check. Oh, well, I tried.

--
Muriel - 995, 775, WC-63, TC-2E
Click to expand...
Random acts of kindness are a blessing in themselves, regardless of how needy the recipient. The woman you helped was very grateful, I'm sure. I'm also sure that what goes around, comes around. No doubt she'll remember the kindness and repay the favor to someone else when the opportunity arises, and if and when it's your turn to receive a helping hand, one will be there for you.
--
Karen

...but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
Minolta 7000i, accessories and lenses, lenses, lenses; CP5700, TC15ED,
Kenko KUT-300 Hi, SB80X Speedlight, Epson Stylus 980N, Epson 7600
(shared), Epson Expression 1680 w/ transparency unit, Tamron Fotovix
60WU....
http://www.e-designarts.com
http://www.pbase.com/kecohen/
 
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
Jarrell,

Think of this not as a failure, but as a lesson in goodness. It was in your heart to do it. Next time the opportunity comes, you won't hesitate to act.

--
Karen

...but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
Minolta 7000i, accessories and lenses, lenses, lenses; CP5700, TC15ED,
Kenko KUT-300 Hi, SB80X Speedlight, Epson Stylus 980N, Epson 7600
(shared), Epson Expression 1680 w/ transparency unit, Tamron Fotovix
60WU....
http://www.e-designarts.com
http://www.pbase.com/kecohen/
 
When Jarrell witnessed this sad act of humanity, he did exactly the right thing by feeling compassion for them and then minding his own business.

Regardless of the situation, a crime had occurred. Most stores have strict shoplifting policies and it would have been unfair to ask the store manager to put her job at risk, by deviating from them. Stores lose millions due to stealing and tend to have zero tolerance for it anymore.

I have heard that some old people shoplift for fun and just because these people were shabilily dressed, did not necessarily mean they did not have money. I don't know if that was the case here, but then again, Jarrell did not know either.

Jarrell has nothing to feel guilty about, because he did't "do something", but is a good person just for having feeling.

Regards
kecohen said:
Jarrell Conley said:
I was feeling pretty good today. I read the paper while getting
something to eat at a local diner, then stopped off for a haircut.
Next stop was a local grocery store to exchange some razor blades,
I never can remember the right ones to buy. As I walked into the
store an old man and woman were coming out, he was dressed in knit
trousers and shirt that had to have been 20 years old, she... well,
about the same I guess. At that point the store manager stopped
them and, addressing the man, said something to the effect that he
knew the man had concealed some food items, one of which was a
container of pimento cheese, and had not paid for them. I walked
on past them about 6 or 7 feet to talk to the lady about my
exchange. About 30 seconds later, the manager turned to someone in
the office and made a hand signal, like someone making a call on
the phone. I knew he was telling the person to call the police.
Looking back at the couple I realized they were very poor and
probably couldn't even afford the things they did pay for and the
thought crossed my mind to offer to pay for the items myself.
Then, the cashier came back with the item I needed and told me I
owed a little difference. After I paid her and turned around
again, the manager and the couple were going into an office and
closing the door. And, I walked out of the store.
I was in management for many, many years with a nationwide chain of
stores. I've seen this and have been involved in it more times
than I can remember. I know stealing can't be tolerated, I know
the loss is passed on to the next customer that walks in the door.
But, when I looked at the old woman, it broke my heart.
I don't feel so good anymore right now. I think I'll go for a walk.
Jarrell
--
How to embed photos in your message!
http://forums.dpreview.com/forums/read.asp?forum=1007&message=4033727
Owner and user of 990 and 5700 and Photoshop. When looking at my
pictures, never take it for granted I didn't enhance them.... :-)
Click to expand...
Jarrell,

Think of this not as a failure, but as a lesson in goodness. It was
in your heart to do it. Next time the opportunity comes, you won't
hesitate to act.

--
Karen

...but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you
need.
Minolta 7000i, accessories and lenses, lenses, lenses; CP5700, TC15ED,
Kenko KUT-300 Hi, SB80X Speedlight, Epson Stylus 980N, Epson 7600
(shared), Epson Expression 1680 w/ transparency unit, Tamron Fotovix
60WU....
http://www.e-designarts.com
http://www.pbase.com/kecohen/
Click to expand...
 
M.E. Parker said:
Your story is one of those tough moments in our life paths, that's
for sure. Maybe because I'm a woman I tend to try to listen to my
gut instinct at those moments - I don't know? "Shoulda's" don't
play into this equation. However, the story itself has so much
merit. Maybe the next time one of us comes across someone in a real
pickle like that, we'll remember it, and it will help us make a
decision?

I do know, though, that the very fact that we are all using
computers to discuss this, and have our very wonderful cameras to
play with, lets me know that we are all very, very lucky indeed.
Sure does put a perspective on pimento cheese.

Thanks for sharing the story, Jarrell. As always, you've provoked
thought and interesting discourse once again.

ME
===============
Click to expand...
 
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