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(OT) Some humor for today...(OT)

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Dwight1973

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Got this in an email and thought you guys might find it funny....

Subject: Making conversation at Rest Stops

I was on Highway 20 out of Montreal driving toward Quebec city and I
decide
to stop at a rest stop to use the men's room. The first stall was occupied

so I went in the second. I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men's rooms
at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat
embarrassedly: "Not bad!"

And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?" What a question! At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!" Then I hear the guy say nervously "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!"
 
Dwight1973 said:
Questions from George Carlin...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4. Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
5. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
6. Why is a boxing ring square?
7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?
9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start?
11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
you turn
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
down the volume on the radio?
12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
liquid
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
made with real lemons?
13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
18. If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
litter?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
19. If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
does he
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
become disoriented?
20. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
21. What do people in China call their good plates?
22. What do you call a male ladybug?
23. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
man?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
24. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
25. Why do they call it a pair of pants, but only 1 bra?
26. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
27. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
drink
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
and drive?
28. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
29. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
30. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
parachutes?
31. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
prohibited?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
32. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
33. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
34. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
have
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
locks on the door?
35. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Why
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
36. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime,
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
what
Dwight1973 said:
does
Dwight1973 said:
a freedom fighter fight?
37. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
oil?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
38. If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
39. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
headlights
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
on, what happens?
40. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
41. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called
shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
42. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
43. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
44. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
progress?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
45. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
It reminds me of a true story where my buddy and I each had to go. There were two stalls and we each headed for one. I immediately backed out of my stall because the seat was covered with pee. I stayed in the bathroom waiting for my buddy's stall.

In walks this guy who went into the stall I had originally visited (pee on the seat obviously didn't bother him) and my friend starts talking to him thinking it's me. After a couple minutes of one-way conversation, my buddy exits his stall, puzzlingly looks at me (holding back laughter) then looks at the feet under the other stall of the guy he was just chatting with.

He turned several shades of red and bolted out of the bathroom. Meanwhile, I practically sht myself.

2b
 
I like it, Dwight...very fuuuuuuuunnnnny!!!!!!!!

Regards,

Rome A
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
Questions from George Carlin...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
4. Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery?
5. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
6. Why is a boxing ring square?
7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
8. Why is it that doctors call what they do practice?
9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on Start?
11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
you turn
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
down the volume on the radio?
12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
liquid
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
made with real lemons?
13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
16. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
17. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
18. If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
litter?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
19. If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
does he
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
become disoriented?
20. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
21. What do people in China call their good plates?
22. What do you call a male ladybug?
23. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
man?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
24. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
25. Why do they call it a pair of pants, but only 1 bra?
26. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
27. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
drink
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
and drive?
28. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
29. Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
30. Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
parachutes?
31. Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
prohibited?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
32. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
33. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
34. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
have
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
locks on the door?
35. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Why
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
36. If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime,
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
what
Dwight1973 said:
does
Dwight1973 said:
a freedom fighter fight?
37. If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
oil?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
38. If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
39. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
headlights
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
on, what happens?
40. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
41. Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called
shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
42. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
43. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
44. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
progress?
Dwight1973 said:
Dwight1973 said:
45. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Here's a fun riddle...

Say the word "silk" five times fast.

Ok. Now - What do cows drink?

No, stupid. They don't drink milk; they drink water.

Here's a toughy

3 guys go to a hotel where the rooms are $30. They decide to share one room so they each pay $10. After they pay, the manager realizes that the room is on special for $25. He gives $5 to the belhop and tells him to refund the men the $5. The belhop, being the gifted wonder he is, realizes you can't divide 5 into 3 so he decides to keep $2 and return each man $1. So, each man essentially pays $9 instead of $10.

3 X $9 = 27 + $2 (the belhop kept) = $29

Where's the missing $1?

2b
 
2b said:
Here's a toughy

3 guys go to a hotel where the rooms are $30. They decide to share
one room so they each pay $10. After they pay, the manager realizes
that the room is on special for $25. He gives $5 to the belhop and
tells him to refund the men the $5. The belhop, being the gifted
wonder he is, realizes you can't divide 5 into 3 so he decides to
keep $2 and return each man $1. So, each man essentially pays $9
instead of $10.

3 X $9 = 27 + $2 (the belhop kept) = $29

Where's the missing $1?

2b
Click to expand...
...tried yer puzzle a dozen times with some cash my wife had stashed in a cabinet...and now I got 2 problems!...
...first...how am I gonna get any sleep tonight tryin' to figger this out?...
...and how the hex am I gonna explain the $12 shortage to her?...
...confusedly yers,
newby

--
(R)...if ya think ya can, or ya think ya can't...yer probly right...
 
LOL Good story:)
2b said:
It reminds me of a true story where my buddy and I each had to go.
There were two stalls and we each headed for one. I immediately
backed out of my stall because the seat was covered with pee. I
stayed in the bathroom waiting for my buddy's stall.

In walks this guy who went into the stall I had originally visited
(pee on the seat obviously didn't bother him) and my friend starts
talking to him thinking it's me. After a couple minutes of one-way
conversation, my buddy exits his stall, puzzlingly looks at me
(holding back laughter) then looks at the feet under the other
stall of the guy he was just chatting with.

He turned several shades of red and bolted out of the bathroom.
Meanwhile, I practically sht myself.

2b
Click to expand...
 
2b said:
Here's a toughy

3 guys go to a hotel where the rooms are $30. They decide to share
one room so they each pay $10. After they pay, the manager realizes
that the room is on special for $25. He gives $5 to the belhop and
tells him to refund the men the $5. The belhop, being the gifted
wonder he is, realizes you can't divide 5 into 3 so he decides to
keep $2 and return each man $1. So, each man essentially pays $9
instead of $10.

3 X $9 = 27 + $2 (the belhop kept) = $29

Where's the missing $1?
Click to expand...
The answer is: There is no missing dollar!

The guys paid 10 dollars each and got 1 dollar back, that is they paid 9 dollars each...

So, they paid 27 dollars for the room, the room cost 25 dollars, leaving the bellhop with the difference, $27-$25 = 2 dollars.

Luckily I have smart friends... I couldn't figure it out myself... smile

Akacia
--
Uzi owner since March 6

Here's some of my pics so far:
http://www.pbase.com/akacia
or http://w1.451.telia.com/~u45113881
 
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