How do you photograph depression?

While shooting this bleak self portrait, below, a beautiful young lady struck up a conversation with me. She told me she's fascinated with photography, wants to do some modelling ... she asked for a card, but I don't have any, so I gave her my number and web address, told her to check out the portraits section.

Of course, all I had with me was the 15-30 ( on a 5D ), but she suggested I take some pictures of her and started posing. I knew it was a mistake to leave the 135/2 behind ... this is 30 mm f/4.5, which means 3200 ASA.







I was thinking about how I would shoot something like this ... but then maybe all's NOT wrong with the world:



This also reminds me how bad I need business cards.

...I think I will go get depressed and take some pictures of myself in such a place... probably won't do me much good, though... for me, it would just be a fantasy.

Nice job, btw.

Forrest said:

This is the third time a bike accident has sent me to the emergency
room. This time I broke a rib and parts of my elbow; last time I
tore my rotator cuff and got some nerve damage in my hip; the
first time I broke a rib, some fingers, and sprained a few
upper-body joints.

But ... the first two didn't seem so crushing. Maybe that's
because the doctor I had at the time believed in pain medicine, so
I really "wasn't there" for a lot of the healing process. This
time I stopped taking pain pills as soon as I possibly could ...
that might explain it, but do we loose resilience the more we go
through?

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We humans are historical creatures i.e. our experiences and the effect they have on us, are irreversible. Well known examples of this could be that if we experience sex we loose our virginity and in doing so we can never again become virgins. Another example could be that when we become adolescents we can never again become children. We can act like children or put ourselves in a children’s state of mind but always, we will also be adults and in being so we negate being a child. A maybe slightly less obvious example is that if we get a divorce we can never again become “not married” in the sense we were before. We will always be divorced. The experience of being married and then divorced changes us in ways that can not be reversed.

The same goes for your accidents. The person you were when you had your first accident is not the same one you were when you had your third. This goes for both the physical and the psychological – you are not the same because you take with you all of your past. Also, your environment changes constantly and maybe things are not the same as they were before (resources, support e.g. friends, family, partner, money etc.).

The basic entities of living life are an organism and its environment. A resilient organism is one that is capable of adapting to environmental changes and so using these for it's own benefit - to keep on living. Such an adaptive process can be described as a renewal or a learning process that enables the organism to function or to use its abilities in the current environment. If the environmental change is too great, the organism can not adapt – so it breaks. This is true whether the change happens at once or over a longer period of time or in many, separate events.

So, understanding that you are a historical creature it makes sense to put all your accidents into one large life experience and in this way understand that the impact can be different now than before. So it makes sense to say that your accidents can have a cumulative effect as long as you have not changed with your environment i.e. learned to do things differently.

Thinking about how you can avoid this kind of situation in the future i.e. this kind of accident and the pain that follows could be one way of letting your entire organism (conscious as well as unconscious processes) be directed toward understanding your life in a new way and hereby bring new hope.

Forrest41926 said:

I went through two months of PT, and I have a gym membership ...
I've just been afraid to use it. My doctor is telling me to go,
and use as little weight as I can put in the machines, but ... I'm
really afraid to make things worse before I can finish healing. It
sounds like the doc is right, though, and I really need to take
this advice, no matter how dangerous it sounds to me.

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Without trying out different ways of doing things, nothing changes. It is better to move forward in small steps than not to move. Be careful and you will most likely not hurt yourself. There is reason to be afraid but there is no reason in letting your fear take control.

Forrest41926 said:

Forrest41926 said:

So my answer to your question is that you photograph depression
when you are the master of it and not when it is the master of you.

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This is poetic justice at its best. Trying to put things in
perspective, I created this page:

http://www.ForrestCroce.com/Galleries/Emotions.html

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I like your page as a way to express some of your feelings and thoughts. From looking at the page I would guess you are the master here, not your depression, and that you have found a meaningful way to express yourself, and one that has hope as well. Keep up the good work

--
Regards, John Valliant Lauritzen
http://www.photo.net/photos/John_Valliant_Lauritzen

first my good friend Mr Dave Chilvers,

easily the nicest man i know helped me a lot over past 2 years or so, i like to think of him as a good best friend - he's always there.

all this comes over with his warm helpful advice to Forrest a friend in need indeed..

my own 2 cents,

3 years after my harrowing divorce I can hardly believe it was me that went through all that utter s* t - all now seems like a different person than myself and a complete lifetime away from where i am now .. there's some good perspective for you.

a hobby helps immensly, or a profession in my case,

Photography was good therapy for me got me outdoors and into fresh air then i traveled with my camera into the big outdoors photographed mountains valleys etc etc , life is so much richer and rewarding now.

can recommend portrait photography as a start, as you meet people and its very rewarding capturing there spirit and personality or 'essence' of whom they are in a photograph, go on try it.

or simple things like a photograph taken in tricky lighting captured successfully how i wanted it now brings immense self satisfaction to me now - like i said simple little things are important.

like a walk in the park in Autumn or Spring or anytime, my brothers children, a sunrise, a sunset, flirting with a pretty girl, taking a portrait photo of a pretty girl, playing sports, walking along a beach, climb a mountain or 3, a big cream cake or 3, i could go on and on, anyway you get my point ..

my best wishes
Michael.

Dave Chilvers said:

Don't the replies in this thread show you just how many people go
through these low times.
Quite often at times like this(injury, marriage break up) you get
low and it's sometimes the hidden things that are coming out.
I went through a break up and whilst living on my own i got myself
a dog from the rescue centre. Try as I might, that dog was crazy
and after 6 months of trying everything to get close to him i had
to admit defeat and return him to the centre( I left enough money
for his future keep) I came home and just broke down and that's
when i went to the doctor and he put me onto an elderly lady for a
once a week chat(for two years I went) I faced many of the problems
that were in my life (not my marriage funnily enough) and finally
confronted my Dad with some questions of why he didn't show me
love(turns out he was jealous of me because my mum made such a fuss
of me and now I know I can live with that). Anyway, to cut a long
story short we became good friends and gradually the fog was
lifted. I gave my business to my son-in-law, invited the lady I was
seeing at times to sell up and move away with me.( A complete
change of life)
The main point I'm making is , don't be afriad to talk to someone
about it(as you have done here) which in my book makes you a man
not a whimp. It's often an underlying reason why something can
trigger a depression. Sometimes you just need a change of
direction. Don't do anything that makes you feel bad(period) even
if it's the thing that you need to do to make a living(I'm not
saying just drop out because obviously you need to live) but
gradually make the changes so that you feel happy with what you
have to face each day. It can be a tough time locked with your
feelings in your head but there is always a way back. Talk, Talk
and more talk.
I gave up so much to change my life. I won't labour on here.
The happiest person I know, who greets me with a smile every day is
my postman, I've been to his house and they ain't got much and I
know how lucky he is to have peace of mind.
Don't suffer this on your own, see the doc and take advice and if
he/she suggest councelling then try it. I'll never be ashamed to
admit that I needed help, it made me a stronger person.
.
Let us know how things are going along and don't forget that the
more people that you talk to about it, then the more people who
will come to realise that we all go through this at some time, it's
just your time right now.
Take Care and don't let the B* S grind you down.

Dave
--
'The Devil Made Me Do It'

Dave
http://www.pbase.com/davechilvers

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--
Eos 1v Film SLR now covered in dust, sad but true.....

Have a listen to this cd, it'll take you on an emotional roller coaster,
especially in times of "blue".
If you get too blue, put on Peter Tosh's Wanted Dread or Alive.

Why the hell am I telling you to listen to some music when your asking about a photographic-creative direction . . .

because the two go hand in hand, and you may find these two albums are a beautiful "Muse". They've worked for me, the 6 months of Dark Morbid Winter here in Wisconsin is very dis-heartening

P.S. Ever had a listen to the Sennheiser HD-595 's, give your ears a treat . . . nugadget.com under $200 . . . money well spent.

-------

There are a number of sites that can help you understand your depression.

Bad things happen to everyone, it is how people choose to handle them that makes the difference.

Hope you feel better,

jerry
--
jerryk.smugmug.com

so young to be so sad.

--
Pete Smith
http://www.photographsbypetersmith.com
http://www.pbase.com/petersmith

I have not read all the posts and I think either some posters or maybe it only me that is not totally understanding the question. I think what you are saying is you don't have the same joy or motivation to take photos you normally have because of what has happened.

If my view is correct I understand as less than a month ago I struggled with the same problem. I have a daughter with a drug problem (I have been dealing with this for years) and she has been making some decisions that have taken all the wind out of me for just about everything. In fact I was on my way to photograph a boxing match of our one of our favorite New Mexico athletes, Holly Holm, and just before getting to the arena I turned around and headed home because my heart would not have been into it, I felt like it was just a job.

I think even when things go well for photographers we can hit a slump or a period of time when we get a little burned out with what we do. Hope this does not sound like a tired old cliche but this is what I tell myself - "tomrrow is another day". In other words time usually takes care of the problem and we snap out of it. For me my wife and I went on a cruise and this has done wonders for restoring my enthusiasm. I think just getting away from it all helps recharge us sometimes.

Hope I am not too off base with my reply - Gary
--
http://www.expecttowinphotos.com

Maybe not something that is loathed but at least something very different, a new challenge. I know by the end of basketball season I am pretty sick at tired of photographing jump shots so shooting something very different charges me up. I think shooting something you normally would think you would hate shooting could actually create an challenge that can take your mind off of whatever is getting anyone down, so there is truth to your words.

Gary
--
http://www.expecttowinphotos.com

Have someone help you recreate the bike crash. Someone else needs to be the trigger person on the camera as you lay on the ground with your bike suit, helmet, broken bike, etc. (blood?). Shoot from straight above and when they are ready to start, relive the anguish of the crash. Cry out, yell, cry, re-live the pain and capture it. Anguish, etc. You have an experience that could be quite stunning in images.

Take the camera and tripod down to Pike's or the Aquarium and sit on a bench. Just sit there. Take a few. Ask if someone will sit with you. Take their photo. Have a little sign perhaps that says: Photographer – hurt in bike accident – wants to take photos. Or something like that. Just sit and outreach and let the photos come to you. Seattle can be a little depressing when the sun goes away. But there is still sun in the leaves that are turning. Eugene is unbelievable this year for color. Sit in a park and do the same as above. Become the bike accident photog. I'll bet you will attract a lot of comfort and connection. The main thing is go out and connect. People help heal the wounds in the body and heart. Stop thinking and go out and do. Even without a goal.

Forget the pain. Pain is pain. It hurts, it bothers, it brings us down. Go with the pain. Your ribs will heal, so enjoy the sensation of the pain while you can. Share it with others. Make it a grand story. People love crash stories. Car race stats show half the crowd is there for the race and half for the crashes. Your photo above will show how interested people are in that.

Meditate. Get out of your "thinking" a little. Hold your first finger and thumb with both hands on your knees and take a big breath. Say: (long) Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, (short) Nam –letting the breath out. 11 minutes (it's an ahhhhh A sound on both) Feel better? Yeah. Take some herbal medicine like passion flower if the pain and depression gets unbearable. Got to a health store and ask about some pain killer topical suave – those are nice and don't have an effect on the consciousness.

Post the unusual photos that will come out of this. Be well. Keep up.

As someone who has experienced a bad depressive episode at about your age, I know exactly what you are talking about. If you have lost your apetite, then it's quite serious. Get help. Your sleep is also probably disturbed. You may needs meds. Realize that it may take a while to get better. Utilize any support system you can. I recommend the self portrait. Occasional sadness is normal, but extended periods of depression are not. Depression goes beyond sadness, they really are not the same thing. There is something morbid about depression. Your age is the most common age when people have a first bad episode of depression, if they are so inclined by disposition or genetics. Unfortunate events like yours can also bring it on. No blame should ever be expressed in regard to depression, and it has nothing to do with personal strength or weakness. If it's bad enough, you can't dig yourself out of this one. Even though I'm a photographer, I find written expressions better for me for expressing depression. Here's what one depressed woman, a poet, wrote, who died in 1995. She live in New England with her writer husband. Some of us just seem born this way. She writes:

"when I was born, you hid behind a pile of linen in the nursery, and when we were alone, you lay on top of me and pressed the bile of desolation into every pore, and since that day, everything under the sun makes me sad."

Drawing a blank is also part of depression. You just feel empty and void of just about everything except for your dark mood. At least do the following: eat well, sleep well, get exercise, relaxation, listen to good music, do something for someone else every day, and also for yourself.