How do you photograph depression?

I was 28 years old when I crashed into a granite pillar and hurt myself so badly that I was in pain for months, unable to work or even to walk around and enjoy fresh air. So eventually depression set in, not knowing when or how I would heal. I was afraid, really afraid, and so the doctors offered me happy pills but I reclined at that time a psychology student and believing more in the healing powers of engaging in a coping process than in introducing foreign chemicals into my body that would make me feel less of anything (happy pills don’t actually make you feel happy, they just make you go numb, so to speak). I still believe I made the right choice but it is a choice you have to make for yourself. If I was feeling suicidal I would have chosen to take the pills.

So what did I do to make things better? One of the things that could make things better was to laugh and one of the things that really made me laugh was hearing about other people who had it worse than myself, especially serious mental illness made me laugh my head off. You could always be worse off than you are now. Probably that is one of the reasons why we humans to watch movies where horrible things happen – so we can feel good about that not happening to us. Stories about other peoples bad luck can be really funny, especially if they are told in a funny way but even if not, they can still be worth while.

You can also counter the depression in a more directly physical way by doing exercise. The bodies endorphins will counter depression on the physical level but unlike happy pills there are minimal side effects. And the engaging activities and the physical movement of any sports game will counter depression on the psychological level as well. Depression is always without movement - it is lifeless, in a sense - so any movement counters depression.

Perhaps such movement could be a cathartic process of creating photos that express your state of mind but I do not think this is a good approach because in my experience, feeling depressed just leads to more of the same. Maybe because there is no movement in depression there is no way of getting out of it by feeling more of it. Catharsis does not really work here – it works more with anger and other emotions with lots of “movement”.

Human beings are creatures of habit and it takes some effort to change your ways in order to cope with your new life circumstances (your changed life circumstances that were the main cause of your depression i.e. your depression is not caused by chemical changes in your body but chemical changes in your body are caused by changes in your life situation). When you once again have gained your ability to function as before – when your body heals and the pain is gone – you will be able to do what you have done before and take that with you that you have learned from difficult times. And when you have arrived at that point of post traumatic growth that is probably the best time for you to express your depression through your photography, if you so chose – because then you will have the resources and abilities to leave the depressed state of mind and go on with your life whenever you want to stop making your art - i.e. you won’t get stuck in the mental state of depression like you are now but you can get out of it before you get “sucked in”, so to speak.

So my answer to your question is that you photograph depression when you are the master of it and not when it is the master of you.

Hope this is in encouraging in some way. I know I would have felt encouraged by so many worthwhile and supportive replies if if had been me making the OP.

--
Regards, John Valliant Lauritzen
http://www.photo.net/photos/John_Valliant_Lauritzen

Sadness, sadness and loneliness in tha order. I think depression would be a lot harder but doable, perhaps when you are feeling depressed, you should do self portaits. It won't mean lugging a camera a round everywhere, just do a few in the house.
--
It's an L of a life, this photography lark

http://gordon-walker.fotopic.net/

Gordon S Walker said:

Sadness, sadness and loneliness in tha order. I think depression
would be a lot harder but doable, perhaps when you are feeling
depressed, you should do self portaits. It won't mean lugging a
camera a round everywhere, just do a few in the house.

Click to expand...

Interesting. I might try a few of these tonight ... but then, I'm not sure how. I mean, I know I can set the camera up and prefocus on a proxy, but ... you can't see the (too slowly) healing rib from the outside, or the things it's preventing me from doing: mountain hikes, long bike rides, even sleeping on my side ... it's having to take all of these things out of my life at 28 that's responsible for this overwhelming sadness.

At least as far as I can tell ... sometimes the mind can run away with itself. These lyrics describe how I feel pretty well:

"I’m afraid, but I act natural.
On tours I can’t sleep, hoping there’s nothing we crash through,
while on board in the back seat.
Since I nearly lost my life and my wife in a taxi,
the echos of the impact retroactively attack me."

If this even begins to tell the story I'm trying to communicate it won't need an explanation. I'm not sure whether it really does, but instead of saying this is supposed to depict feeling alone and empty even when I know this isn't true, I'll quote some lyrics I heard in a song last night that are more poetic than I've managed to be:

"I’m afraid, but I act natural.
On tours I can’t sleep, hoping there’s nothing we crash through,
while on board in the back seat.
Since I nearly lost my life and my wife in a taxi,
the echos of the impact retroactively attack me."
--Tonedeff

...good job!

Feeling any better now?

Old Timer63 said:

The main point I'm making is , don't be afriad to talk to someone
about it(as you have done here) which in my book makes you a man
not a whimp.

Click to expand...

The funny thing is, I've slipped to the point that I don't care what people think as long as I find my way back to the light. I mean, it's good to know people don't agree with Tony Soprano that being depressed makes you "a mental midget," but I'd rather be short and happy than tall and miserable.

Old Timer63 said:

Let us know how things are going along and don't forget that the
more people that you talk to about it, then the more people who
will come to realise that we all go through this at some time, it's
just your time right now.
Take Care and don't let the B* S grind you down.

Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your story. You're right, it's good to know that this is anything but unique to me.

The doctor put me on an anti-depressant, Lexapro, and swore it would be short term only. He wants to see me again tomorrow, but made me promise not to kill myself?? I just finished two months of physical therapy; I'm trying ever option I can think of. It's just that I feel like I've run out of them.

This really isn't up to my standard, but it shows what I see everywhere I look. Not literally, but that's the point, right?

Forrest41926 said:

This really isn't up to my standard, but it shows what I see
everywhere I look. Not literally, but that's the point, right?

Click to expand...

( I keep forgetting things... )

Forrest,

When I saw your first attempt, I got the imagery of a jail cell. I'm thinking of one of those old, sheriff-style jail cells... perhaps with an lanky individual holding the key in his hands -- shot in B&W... ideally with the old bars on the window (with one ray of light shining thru...)

I think the primary shot choice would be thru the main bars of the cell... you could futz with having the key in the lock or not.

...or maybe even no key... just the individual holding the bars to an open cell...?

I know that "depression" should matter regarding the sex of the person, but I think this shot would be more male dominated. I could think of a far different emotional drawstring if the person was a female. I think it's safe to say that women and men interpret depression a lot differently (even though the symptoms are very similar.)

-Nick

John Valliant Lauritzen said:

I was 28 years old when I crashed into a granite pillar and hurt
myself so badly that I was in pain for months, unable to work or
even to walk around and enjoy fresh air. So eventually depression

Click to expand...

It sounds like your injuries were a lot worse than mine, so I'm sure you know what I'm going through. Since you were a psyche student, though, let me ask you something:

This is the third time a bike accident has sent me to the emergency room. This time I broke a rib and parts of my elbow; last time I tore my rotator cuff and got some nerve damage in my hip; the first time I broke a rib, some fingers, and sprained a few upper-body joints.

But ... the first two didn't seem so crushing. Maybe that's because the doctor I had at the time believed in pain medicine, so I really "wasn't there" for a lot of the healing process. This time I stopped taking pain pills as soon as I possibly could ... that might explain it, but do we loose resiliance the more we go through?

John Valliant Lauritzen said:

You can also counter the depression in a more directly physical way
by doing exercise. The bodies endorphins will counter depression on

Click to expand...

I went through two months of PT, and I have a gym membership ... I've just been afraid to use it. My doctor is telling me to go, and use as little weight as I can put in the machines, but ... I'm really afraid to make things worse before I can finish healing. It sounds like the doc is right, though, and I really need to take this advice, no matter how dangerous it sounds to me.

John Valliant Lauritzen said:

as well. Depression is always without movement - it is lifeless,
in a sense - so any movement counters depression.

Click to expand...

This is a really good way you put it.

John Valliant Lauritzen said:

Perhaps such movement could be a cathartic process of creating
photos that express your state of mind but I do not think this is a
good approach because in my experience, feeling depressed just
leads to more of the same. Maybe because there is no movement in

Click to expand...

You have a good point. Maybe I'm wrong, but as photography has become so important to me, and the only art I've got any honest-to-goodness talent at, that it seems like a good way to get over this ... to face it down, capture it "on film" and leave it behind me.

John Valliant Lauritzen said:

So my answer to your question is that you photograph depression
when you are the master of it and not when it is the master of you.

Click to expand...

This is poetic justice at its best. Trying to put things in perspective, I created this page:

http://www.ForrestCroce.com/Galleries/Emotions.html

Gordon S Walker said:

Sadness, sadness and loneliness in tha order. I think depression
would be a lot harder but doable, perhaps when you are feeling
depressed, you should do self portaits. It won't mean lugging a
camera a round everywhere, just do a few in the house.

Click to expand...

...that's a tough distinction to make. OK, more guesses:

http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/52056874



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/31161012



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/31161043



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/43252666



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/39107187



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/49686535



http://www.pbase.com/joemama/image/65475387



That's all I got. If there's still no depression in those, I guess I'll have to resort to self-portraits. : )

--
--joe

http://www.josephjamesphotography.com
http://www.pbase.com/joemama/

Please feel free to criticize, make suggestions, and edit my photos. If you wish to use any of my photos for any purpose other than editing in these forums, please ask.

To your healing I can only offer my answer to your question.

From my vantage point I imagine two possibilities.

The first would be to shoot through the eyes of depression, to gather scenes that represent what you are looking at through your depression. It seems natural to portray depression through an image designed to affect the emotion upon the viewer. But I don't think that should be the goal of such a work. Such an image is an attempt to elicit in the viewer what you are feeling. To me this falls short of depicting the view from your emotional state. It simply is a photograph that causes a reaction.

For myself I would ask, “Where do I go to ride this out?” Then perhaps I would document the view from there. Most people I know who have suffered this in one form or another find themselves sleeping a great deal. Imagine a series of images showing the view from your pillow as you languish about thinking through your depression. Consider a visual diary of a discrete moment. As you work it, lose your consideration of what we as viewers will think of it. This is your record. In the end, others might identify with some part of it which I believe is the goal.

The second possibility I see is to do portraits of depression. But how do you differentiate a depressed state from a lonely state or a sad state? I believe the answer lies in emotional contrast. When I am depressed, truly depressed, seeing others happy deepens my depression. How can their reality be so at odds with mine? It’s unfair. Imagine a happy event where people are wholeheartedly enjoying themselves, yet a single individual, the subject is obviously sullen and lonely despite the happy presence of these others. This is how I recognize depression. Maybe it’s the way to photograph it.
--
http://imageevent.com/chetcarson/serendipity

A bittersweet exercise; on the one hand it reminds me of other lives I've had, but on the other, I need a fully healled rib so badly. This is so far a visual description of pain ( now ) and a look back at some of the good times ... knowing that in future I'll have this to look forward to again.

http://www.ForrestCroce.com/Galleries/Emotions.html

I think I feel a little bit better after putting this together.

Well, Forrest, on the bright side... even from the distance of these
forums, where it's hard to really get to know people, you have
ended up being one of the best liked folks in here. You have a
natural sort of easy going charm, that comes through even via
these text messages.

I'd imagine in real life you are even more apreciated.

So that's a real plus.

As for your physical injuries, there's some good news and some bad
news. The good news is eventually your rib will heal, and you'll be
back at 100%, in great health. No pain. It might take awhile, but
eventually, slowly, it will happen.

The bad news, is that with a little bit of luck, you'll eventually be 80
years old, and then the body will probably start to be having lots
of different problems, and from there, when you're 80, the general
trend will be downwards. There may be some occasional improvement,
but at end, the trend will always be for the worse.

So this time around, be sure to enjoy the slow recovery to 100%,
because when you're 80, that part will probably be lacking. It's just
life, you get old, and the body starts falling apart. Except for a few
lucky ones like my grand-father, that died at the age of 80, after a
short illness, but otherwise in good health. Most folks suffer through
old age a lot more.

I hope that I managed to make you at least chuckle with this "good
news, bad news" stuff... and I hope you will be back at 100%, no
pain, soon.

As far as I know, you're still fairly young, and you still have lots and
lots of great years ahead of you... if you can just kind of "hang in there"
a bit, until those days arrive. Don't worry, with a little luck, they're
coming.

We as parents are on constant look out for things that might hurt or influence our children. If we see they are heading down the wrong path, or starting to hang around with the "wrong crowd", we step in for their protection. If someone has a gambling problem, you don't take them to a casio.

It sounds like you might be hanging around with the wrong type of people. Think about it, you are hanging out with yourself, no wonder you are depressed. If I was not in your situation, but was spending a lot of time depressed, the last person I should be with is my self.

Another poster said it well, get out and be with other people. Talk to them, take their pictures, invite people over, go visit family. Taking sad or depressed photos to express your feelings to get it out, is like a person going out and sleeping with some people right before they get married to "get it out of their system", but the problem is, that does not get it out of their system, it usually makes them want more.

Or you can do as one of my friends does when she is depressed, she looks for people who's situation is worse than hers, and in a weird and twisted way, she feels better.

I reflect on this poem I wrote a couple years ago.

Today

I hear the music coming over the mountains
Rising with the sun to the beat of another day
Abiding in the calm of the familiar dance
I pause for the moment and breathe in the sweet melody

It matters little how the world treats me today
For with the day comes the same refrain
A song that doesn’t change
Of life and death, joy and sorrow, serenity and pain

I’ll be remembered not by what comes my way
But by what I do to better the day

Charles
--
http://www.arrowphotos.com

...I like the spread. It alls seems to reflect the mood you have conveyed in your words - of course, your words have set the tone in advance.

I told you of my photographic journey during a period of depression. In my mind, the single image that most reflected that depression was of a cat in a window in Missoula, Montana. I kind of like that you had some cats in your little essay.

Are you still depressed? Or is this little exercise moving you beyond it?

Gordon S Walker said:

Sadness, sadness and loneliness in tha order. I think depression
would be a lot harder but doable, perhaps when you are feeling
depressed, you should do self portaits. It won't mean lugging a
camera a round everywhere, just do a few in the house.

Click to expand...

That's the Space Needle in the background, hidden mostly by the telephone poll. This is about four blocks from my apartment, and in the background are some great restaurants.

Frostfrog said:

...I like the spread. It alls seems to reflect the mood you have
conveyed in your words - of course, your words have set the tone in
advance.

Click to expand...

Thanks. I've tried to find the fewest words to most poinently describe what the photo means to me. Maybe that's cheating, though.

Frostfrog said:

I told you of my photographic journey during a period of
depression. In my mind, the single image that most reflected that
depression was of a cat in a window in Missoula, Montana. I kind of
like that you had some cats in your little essay.

Click to expand...

Reading about your journey made me feel pretty nastalgic about some of my own travels through those parts. I remember days of driving north across southern Utah, taking the backroads ... sometimes not being able to see anything man made except the road. There's a sense of freedom in the open road, at least back before I got caught up in this corporate trap.

Frostfrog said:

Are you still depressed? Or is this little exercise moving you
beyond it?

Click to expand...

Well, I'm still depressed, and eating valium to find (temporary) peace, but the exercise actually helped. It was a double-edged sword, it made me miss the days when I'd find a primative camp ground in Utah or around Ouray, and disappear with a girl I loved ... but on the other hand it was a good reminder that things weren't always this hard, and this will pass.

ftoddstephens said:

Or you can do as one of my friends does when she is depressed, she
looks for people who's situation is worse than hers, and in a weird
and twisted way, she feels better.

Click to expand...

...my wife says she has low self-esteem except when she's around me. I always ask her if it's because I block the view of the mirrors, but she never answers. : )

--
--joe

http://www.josephjamesphotography.com
http://www.pbase.com/joemama/

Please feel free to criticize, make suggestions, and edit my photos. If you wish to use any of my photos for any purpose other than editing in these forums, please ask.