mike_botelho
Senior Member
Press Release
"Nikon has today announced that, in an attempt to relieve stress among its loyal customers, it is planning to host a week-long paintball competition between rival Nikon factions. In this competition, Nikon users who have habitually complained about Nikon's lack of momentum in the DSLR market will be pitted against an up-and-coming and feisty new faction that consists of D2h users that seem to prefer that Nikon retain its previous state of inertia. The week long squirmish [sic] will culminate in a trophy presentation ceremony in which the winning team members will be presented with prototype D2x cameras that have their Compact Flash compartments welded shut. Special categories are not yet announced, but there is a rumor that a valuable fine art print will be awarded to the competitor who complains the most vehemently when struck by an opponent's paintball and eliminated from the competition. It is believed that the print is a B&W still-life depicting a basket of sour grapes.
Originally, Nikon had intended for a group of non-complaining Nikon users to compete with the tournament winners in an all-out final affectionately called Ragnarök. Despite it's good intentions, this proposal soon edged into controversy as a small faction of Nikon engineers began to protest that the ultimate fate of the universe should not be decided by hyper-thyroid photographers dressed in camouflage gear. Luckily, further controversy was avoided when a spokesperson for the Non-Complaining Union of Working Nikon Professionals released a statement of their own indicating that they were too busy making photographs to be bothered. In an attempt to round out festivities in an alternate manner, select Nikon execs will appear dressed in Godzilla suits and participate in a small promo film in which all participants will be asked to serve as extras and run around screaming histrionically while waving their arms in the air.
Not too many further details have been finalized, but it's believed that the Nikon-manufactured paintball guns will fire both 12mm paintballs at a rate of 5 per second and nearly 7mm paintballs at a rate of 8 per second. It is also rumored that members of a rival faction will attempt to parachute in and fire Full-Sized rounds above the participants utilizing a state-of-the-art Paintball Canon. It's rumored that these Full-Sized paintballs explode and anoint their victims in a fine coating that is very, very frequently described as 'silky smooth'. Additionally, anyone heard using the phrase 'tack sharp' will immediately be deemed a casualty and removed from gameplay.
It is Nikon's sincerest wish that this competition will allow Nikon users to release some of the tensions caused by the evolution of the DSLR market, and it's hoped that any resultant humor will be accepted in the same spirit and serve to further alleviate tensions without causing any hard feelings."
"Nikon has today announced that, in an attempt to relieve stress among its loyal customers, it is planning to host a week-long paintball competition between rival Nikon factions. In this competition, Nikon users who have habitually complained about Nikon's lack of momentum in the DSLR market will be pitted against an up-and-coming and feisty new faction that consists of D2h users that seem to prefer that Nikon retain its previous state of inertia. The week long squirmish [sic] will culminate in a trophy presentation ceremony in which the winning team members will be presented with prototype D2x cameras that have their Compact Flash compartments welded shut. Special categories are not yet announced, but there is a rumor that a valuable fine art print will be awarded to the competitor who complains the most vehemently when struck by an opponent's paintball and eliminated from the competition. It is believed that the print is a B&W still-life depicting a basket of sour grapes.
Originally, Nikon had intended for a group of non-complaining Nikon users to compete with the tournament winners in an all-out final affectionately called Ragnarök. Despite it's good intentions, this proposal soon edged into controversy as a small faction of Nikon engineers began to protest that the ultimate fate of the universe should not be decided by hyper-thyroid photographers dressed in camouflage gear. Luckily, further controversy was avoided when a spokesperson for the Non-Complaining Union of Working Nikon Professionals released a statement of their own indicating that they were too busy making photographs to be bothered. In an attempt to round out festivities in an alternate manner, select Nikon execs will appear dressed in Godzilla suits and participate in a small promo film in which all participants will be asked to serve as extras and run around screaming histrionically while waving their arms in the air.
Not too many further details have been finalized, but it's believed that the Nikon-manufactured paintball guns will fire both 12mm paintballs at a rate of 5 per second and nearly 7mm paintballs at a rate of 8 per second. It is also rumored that members of a rival faction will attempt to parachute in and fire Full-Sized rounds above the participants utilizing a state-of-the-art Paintball Canon. It's rumored that these Full-Sized paintballs explode and anoint their victims in a fine coating that is very, very frequently described as 'silky smooth'. Additionally, anyone heard using the phrase 'tack sharp' will immediately be deemed a casualty and removed from gameplay.
It is Nikon's sincerest wish that this competition will allow Nikon users to release some of the tensions caused by the evolution of the DSLR market, and it's hoped that any resultant humor will be accepted in the same spirit and serve to further alleviate tensions without causing any hard feelings."
