your joke for the day - please post it

Started Dec 9, 2013 | Discussions
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edwardaneal
edwardaneal Veteran Member • Posts: 9,101
your joke for the day - please post it

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by supposedly the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was:

How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer
...

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!

He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old rum.

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schluchtenscheisser Forum Member • Posts: 74
My joke for the day

You surely know these two descriptions:

1. The glass is half full.

2. The glass is half empty.

The mathematician´s description: The glass is twice the size as necessary.

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tenAMor

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kixigvaq
kixigvaq Senior Member • Posts: 1,108
A universal truth (nt)
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Abyssus abyssum invocat

Marcamera Forum Pro • Posts: 15,059
Re: your joke for the day - please post it
1

Itchhh converting to being a devout Muslim.

Rgds

57even Senior Member • Posts: 9,476
A white horse walks into a bar....

A white horse walks into a bar.

The barman says "hey we have a drink named after you!"

"What?" says the horse. "You have a drink called Eric?"

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(unknown member) Senior Member • Posts: 2,878
Re: your joke for the day - please post it
2

A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says hello Mr. President.

TonyC5D
TonyC5D Senior Member • Posts: 2,832
Re: My joke for the day

schluchtenscheisser wrote:

You surely know these two descriptions:

1. The glass is half full.

2. The glass is half empty.

The mathematician´s description: The glass is twice the size as necessary.

-- hide signature --

tenAMor

My description, who cares what you call it, I just know there's room in it for more wine!

-- hide signature --

A pint! That's an armful!

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Marcamera Forum Pro • Posts: 15,059
The joke is on whom exactly?
1

Todd Ka wrote:

A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says hello Mr. President.

You elected him.

Are majority of Americans this dumb?

Rgds

edwardaneal
edwardaneal OP Veteran Member • Posts: 9,101
hey Marc

Marcamera wrote:

Todd Ka wrote:

A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says hello Mr. President.

You elected him.

Are majority of Americans this dumb?

Rgds

Are the majority always Smart?

just because the majority got their way is not inherent proof that what we got is actually better.

think about it - in 2004 George W. Bush won the popular vote by over 3 million votes - does that automatically make him the better president than John Kerry would have been?

As a side note Bill Clinton never got a true majority in either of his elections - in 1992 Bush and Perot got over 59 million votes and Clinton got just under 45 million - So he got more than anyone of his competitors individually but the majority of Americans wanted someone else. The exact same things with slightly different numbers happened when he ran again in 1996. The majority of Americans wanted someone else. Heck there is a good chance that if Ross Perot had not been involved in those elections Clinton may never have been president.

So even though the majority of Americans NEVER voted for Clinton does that automatically make him the wrong choice and a bad president - - I thought he did pretty darn good

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Marcamera Forum Pro • Posts: 15,059
Re: hey Marc

edwardaneal wrote:

Marcamera wrote:

Todd Ka wrote:

A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says hello Mr. President.

You elected him.

Are majority of Americans this dumb?

Rgds

Are the majority always Smart?

Edward, forget the "majority" part. "A large proportion" would suffice. The fact is , he was elected, so either Pres.Obama tricked you into voting for him, or there were other reasons, for example, people not understanding what the agenda was.

In any case, we strayed from the subject of this thread, which is jokes.

Rgds

LeRentier
LeRentier Forum Pro • Posts: 13,622
Re: your joke for the day - please post it

The short version is :

No man is complete until he marries.
After that, he's finished.

. . . _ _ _ . . .
veni vidi vomi

edwardaneal
edwardaneal OP Veteran Member • Posts: 9,101
Re: hey Marc

Marcamera wrote:

edwardaneal wrote:

Marcamera wrote:

Todd Ka wrote:

A Muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.

The bartender says hello Mr. President.

You elected him.

Are majority of Americans this dumb?

Rgds

Are the majority always Smart?

Edward, forget the "majority" part. "A large proportion" would suffice. The fact is , he was elected, so either Pres.Obama tricked you into voting for him, or there were other reasons, for example, people not understanding what the agenda was

exactly - unfortunately elections in my country are like beauty pageants - its all about who can sell themselves. if you have more charisma and money than your opponent thats about all it takes. political office is one of the only jobs there is where actual experience is not required

.

In any case, we strayed from the subject of this thread, which is jokes.

Rgds

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nijkerk Senior Member • Posts: 1,150
Re: hey Marc

Man goes to the doctor.

"Feel a bit under the weather Doc"

"I'll just get your dossier"

"O.K"

"Well, before I continue, there's one thing that's quite obvious"

" What"s that? "

"You really should stop masturbating"

" Why.?"

""Because, otherwise,  I can't concentrate on reading your dossier"

57even Senior Member • Posts: 9,476
Why is a young wife like a tropical storm?
2

Because when she comes she is wild, wet and exciting.

And when she leaves she takes your house and all your possessions.

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LeRentier
LeRentier Forum Pro • Posts: 13,622
Re: your joke for the day - please post it

Story from Sicily :
A young boy goes to his music lesson.
Upon arrival, he opens the violin case and looks surprised.
The music teacher : but that a Thompson with a sound suppressor.
The boy : I fear my dad went to the bank with the wrong case.

. . . _ _ _ . . .
veni vidi vomi

Mentor_1 Veteran Member • Posts: 9,773
Re: your joke for the day - please post it

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much
discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss
the pastor's expanding salary.

A great deal of bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how
much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God,
and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from
God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

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May the light be with you
Stupid should hurt
Stop global whining
Keep your business in town to keep your town in business

glasswave Veteran Member • Posts: 8,798
Re: your joke for the day - please post it
1

Marcamera wrote:

Itchhh converting to being a devout Muslim.

How about itchhh becoming a real Christian first.

string cheese
string cheese Senior Member • Posts: 1,966
Re: your joke for the day - please post it

I now keep a picture of my Mother-in-law on the mantel over our fireplace. My Mother-in-law delights when she sees it and thinks I am very nice for putting it there.

But I only put it up there...because it keeps the children away from the fire.

lylejk
lylejk Forum Pro • Posts: 28,273
Biggest joke of all.

Progressive Liberals; what a joke.  

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(unknown member) Forum Pro • Posts: 19,115
Re: Biggest joke of all.
3

lylejk wrote:

Progressive Liberals; what a joke.

I've just realized...that Lyle is MY joke of the day "-P

KEV

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"No problem can be solved at the level of consciousness which created it" - Albert Einstein

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