What a real photographer need

Started May 9, 2012 | Discussions
GuyMcKie
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What a real photographer need
May 9, 2012

What a real photographer need

  • A camera.

Any camera is a good camera in the hands of the master.

But the novice, who has not yet learned the art of available light photography, should start with a 36 mp body, a kit lens and a big flash unit.

  • A cat.

Some have already mentioned that every photographer obviously must have a cat, since the number of cat pictures on the web. Indeed. A cat is the best subject to test your new camera, just out of the box. And the cat crops will assure you that you bought the sharpest camera ever.

  • A garden with flowers and a buddy with green fingers.

The garden allows you to save on long trips with the heavy gear. And cropping heavily your big files allows to make macro pictures withoud the need for a costly macro lens and to save your money for the next 48mp body.

Praise the garden work and encourage your buddy to plant some shrubs, useful for the spider hunt in the autumn.

  • All the small inevitable accessories.

There are so many. A GPS unit and a remote commander are cool.

You will discover that black tape is usefull for a lot of things, as stick together a loose battery door or seal your weathersealed body. Don't use the tape to cover the name of the brand on the front of your camera. People will think that it's a Leica and your camera will be stolen.

  • A rich spouse.

After a while you will develop lens lust. Don't try to resist, it is a necessary stage in your development.

Your forgivable rich spouse will finance your ever growing lens collection. Reward the spouse occasionally with a few portrait pictures, taken with your softest lens.

  • A test chart.

Each lens must be tested at all diafragm and zoom settings. Bad copies must be returned or exchanged immediately.

A foldable easy portable chart allows you to continue testing your lenses during holidays and small trips with the children and your spouse.

  • Fast primes in all sizes, large and small.

At this point of your development you have discovered that even expensive zoom lenses have bad corners and you've already read something about good bokeh.

Remember that the primes with a G or L in their name, and the white ones, are the best.

Your ruined spouse will leave you and you must survive on fastfood. Your cat will search a new home.

But you have a sea of time to spend on your photography.

  • Your ebay account.

To sell most of your dust collected lenses and all your backup bodies in order to pay maintenance for your children.

You are left with one body and that fast lens with the highest resolution and the creamiest bokeh. Don't regret the loss of your lenses, they will be bought back later on ebay by your grandchild.

You start to take pictures and learn something about the rule of thirds, resolution and dynamic range. You will acquire the skills of raw conversion. Buy at least three raw convertors to be taken seriously in debates about raw conversion.

  • A portable camera with a small expensive German lens

As an advanced photographer you have meanwhile learned that a camera is just a tool.

Fat by the fast-food and with a bad back through the many hours for the computer screen you will swap your heavy camera for a portable mirrorless body with the mother of all lenses.

It is now allowed to experiment with composition, to break the rule of thirds and to play with light and darkness. You learn to take pictures at 50 and 100 ISO and you'll be a master in available light photography.

Eventually you will discover that you need

  • Your eyes

No tool can give you the resolution, dynamic range and color response of your eyes. You can see details in the darkest shadows without grain andt the finest details in the highlights.

How beautiful is the real world without the frame of the viewfinder. Endless capturing this sparkling beauty with an unmatched fps, FF or BF easily fixed with a cheap and small hardware accessory.

You will leave your town to explore the world and need

  • A lot of time

Unfortunately, your time is up now.

But you will be rewarded for all your efforts. In the last second of your life you will be allowed to take all those pictures, which you always wanted to take, but never have taken.

Ian Leach
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 9, 2012

I would add

Don’t read any reviews, comparisons or posts about your camera. This blissful ignorance will allow you to take photos unhindered.

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Simon Zeev
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 9, 2012

LOL!!
All was OK until A rich spouse

I have cameras, accessories, a garden, 4 cats but the next item (A rich spouse) I don't have. (OK, I have a spouse, but not a rich one)

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Zeev
Simon = family name so... call me Zeev!
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lnguyenh
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to Simon Zeev, May 9, 2012

Not everyone shoot flowers...

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Berghof
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a patient wife / husband
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 12, 2012

my wife is a very patient person and needs to be to keep the peace between us during our vacations when I need just a little bit more time for just one more photo
--
Berghof G.C.

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brianj
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to lnguyenh, May 12, 2012

lnguyenh wrote:

Not everyone shoot flowers...

That's right, some shoot 12" rulers, newspaper print and even solid brick walls. LOL

Brian

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jon404
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 12, 2012

Excellent list. I'd add a can of tuna fish for the cat -- they always show up when you open that fridge door.

You could also get a Van de Graaff generator, and attach it to the cat and children, when you start your photo studio and want to differentiate yourself from the competition.

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Roger99
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What a real photographer really needs?
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 12, 2012

A good shrink.
We should know better.

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The one serious conviction one should hold is that nothing should be taken too seriously.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it. -Aristotle
..oh, and I see by the lack of responses that I am right yet again.

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Roger99
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to Ian Leach, May 12, 2012

Ian Leach wrote:

I would add

Don’t read any reviews, comparisons or posts about your camera. This blissful ignorance will allow you to take photos unhindered.

Absolutely agree.
I would add..photo magazines and how to books.

Working out photography for yourself is more possible in the world of digital than it ever was in the days of film and can result in a far more original style.
--

The one serious conviction one should hold is that nothing should be taken too seriously.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it. -Aristotle
..oh, and I see by the lack of responses that I am right yet again.

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Roger99
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What a real photojounalist needs...
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 12, 2012

A stray dog to eat the cat.

-- hide signature --

The one serious conviction one should hold is that nothing should be taken too seriously.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it. -Aristotle
..oh, and I see by the lack of responses that I am right yet again.

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Roger99
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What a real paparazzo needs
In reply to GuyMcKie, May 12, 2012

A famous cat that just wants to be alone.

-- hide signature --

The one serious conviction one should hold is that nothing should be taken too seriously.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it. -Aristotle
..oh, and I see by the lack of responses that I am right yet again.

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ZorSy
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Re: What a real photographer need
In reply to jon404, May 12, 2012

jon404 wrote:

You could also get a Van de Graaff generator, and attach it to the cat and children, when you start your photo studio and want to differentiate yourself from the competition.

Check! Got one....

Does that make me real photographer?

(joke, an old photo)

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