I MUST be doing something wrong

Same here, Steve.  I've been using Nikon since F5 and F100 days, and after countless lenses, I've never once had a malfunction.  And the only camera issue I've ever had was my D70, after three years the light meter was acting funny, and Nikon USA in Melville, NY fixed it in 4 days, and it's still going strong for my wife.

Other than that, I have no tales of misfortune about my Nikon gear.  I've owned a lot of cameras but I've never been more satisfied with any than I am my Nikons.  I don't consider myself luck just that I buy the best gear I can afford.

As far as the moaning and groaning, it's puzzling why in all the gear forums here on DPR - Sony Forum, m43 Forum, Canon Forum, Pentax and Fuji X forums, etc., users seem to be either completely satisfied with some reservations, extremely satisfied or borderline fanatical regarding their chosen brand.  On this forum, it's the complete opposite. There seems to be contempt for Nikon by so many here.  And it's a strange phenomenon indeed given the fact that Nikon has been extremely competitive offering a complete SLR system at good prices. They have been at or near the top, even dominant performance-wise in the DX and FF user space for the past five or more years.  But reading here you'd think...Anyway, with friends like these, who needs...