I MUST be doing something wrong

"The Value of user data"   http://www.bythom.com/

I think Thom Hogan is a reliable source and he is basically saying that the data point to a significant number of D800 bodies that have under-performing focusing response.

I've got a good 600 too, Steve, but I had 2-7000s (and I know yours was terrific) that were focusing dogs.

And it wasn't me, but I sure thought so for a good 2 months and it was a miserable experience

Moved on to a D700 and 30 seconds with that body lifted all the self doubt I had about my "skills".

But the D700 has had to go into the shop twice in 24 months. I have a 70-300 vr that has required three trips to Nikon to keep the VR working. I have a 35mm 1.8 DX with a broken focus motor, It just quit.

So I am a Nikon user, they are remarkable machines, but I don't wear rose colored glasses.  I think they have some real and tangible problems.