Is the APS-C DOF penalty all that important?

I think people are overthinking this way too much.

The way I see it, best way to approach this is to be honest about how much of this big aperture portraiture shooting you do, and whether the costs are worth it. I think for most people, a 50 1.8 on an APS-C is the most honest + reasonable compromise. No, it won't be an 85 1.2, but for me personally I would have to shoot exclusively with such a lens to feel I got my money's worth, whereas even for $300 I would be OK with only getting a couple dozen of these types of shots a year.