A confession

Started Jun 1, 2012 | Discussions thread
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A confession
Jun 1, 2012

I have a confession to make.

I bought an X Pro-1 despite seeing from the early reviews that the autofocus was slower and, in low light, less sure than my D700.

I bought it knowing that burst mode would create an odd unnavigable subfolder even if was the best way to capture movement with a slow AF.

I bought it knowing that I could get a smaller camera with dozens of dedicated lenses for half the price.

I bought it because I wanted to suffer.

I wanted to suffer because I was getting bored of photography.

I was getting bored of my D700 nailing any random sh*t I clicked it at.

I was getting bored of running out of disk space to store all my photos of random sh*t that I never looked at again because there were just too many photos to process, thanks to a sensor calibrated to make Europeans look anemic and south Americans look alcoholicly ruddy (ie my extended family). Besides the yellowness under fluorescent light.

I was bored of people saying 'my, that's a big camera!'

I was bored of people saying 'who the f* are you, some f* ing pap?'

I was bored of carrying a heavy bag around afraid to open it because everyone would look at me and spoil the moment.

And I lusted. Dear lord I lusted.

I lusted after the nonchalance of the photographers of yore who wandered around, camera on neck, snapping when the urge took them.

I lusted after the experience of thinking carefully about light and shadow and colour and feeling the image before taking it, like you used to do with film.

I lusted for the way that I used to feel with film, when there was always the uncertatinty that you'd got the picture, and the joy you felt when you saw a frame in a series that shone out at you because for a brief moment, you'd got it all right.

And I lusted for a camera that would make people ask 'oh, so you like taking pictures?' rather than 'oh, do you think a nikon [x model] is better than a canon [y model]?' (i did say this was a confession)

Lord, I am a sinner. I bought something slow, expensive, and self-indulgent. But dear lord, is it wonderful. When I use it, I feel like I am using the brain god gave me. When I take a good photo with it, I feel a sense of satisfaction I had lost with my all-too-sure d700. When I look at the colours that it produces, I feel a pang of awe at the beauty of creation. And maybe in my learning to grapple with it, I've learnt some of the patience that will bring me closer to god.

(For the record, I'm an atheist and I make no apologies for satirical writing. Cheer up, damnit!)

Nikon D700
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