Reccommend me a brand new camera for $2.47

The camera must have the following features:

1. A built-in AMOLED 1.44 billion dot Electronic Viewfinder

2. An image-stabilized optically flawless 200-400mm f/2.8 collapsible powerzoom X lens. Must have perfect MTF charts.

3. Very noisy performance at ISO 1600 and above, but flawless at ISO 800 and below. I don't care what kind of noise I get at ISO 1250, don't plan on ever using that particular setting.

4. I want it to look like an old rangefinder camera, from the 1700s or whenever they used those things. I love to shoot "Old school"

5. Speaking of which, I absolutely refuse to shoot with autofocus. AF is for beginners and I'm a pr0, so manual focus only. Also the lens needs to have an aperture ring.
6. 2160/120p HD video

7. I absolutely MUST have a camera that doesn't delay between shots when it's showing me a preview of the shot I just took. I HATE when I have to wait several seconds between shots. Two seconds maximum. I like photographing blades of grass and they have a tendency to blow in the wind so I miss my shot if I need to wait more than two seconds between shots.

8. I understand that I'm asking for a lot of features, so perhaps there's a camera for cheaper than $2.47 that will satisfy most of what I'm looking for. Perhaps something for $0.99?

Also I refuse to buy anything made by Sony as I heard they produce their cameras in Thailand and I refuse to enable their probable child labor practices by purchasing their products. I'd prefer a camera made by Kodak, if possible.