My two cents on religion

Started Aug 11, 2011 | Discussions thread
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Too late, deal's off.
In reply to Great Bustard, Aug 12, 2011

Great Bustard wrote:

Wow! If that's not proof of convergent thinking, I don't know what is! If you could get your unwanted morals to White Sands, we could test out the Existential Bomb there. That would save my project director's booty calls in Salt Lake City if my proposal were to gain favor, so I'm sure he'd be all over it.

If you could shoot me an email ( with some specifics that can't be discussed on an open forum (obviously), then I can get to work on a formal proposal to the director of our project.

Nice to see that ours wasn't the only program running!

Nice for us, yes. You gave too much away in your post. Previously, out theory had been guesswork and empiricism, but with what you wrote, our Physics guy has worked it all out. Actually, you don't have to shoulder all the blame, one of your boss' booty calls was one of ours (well, she was after we threatened to sell her kid sister to traffickers unless she co-operated).

With your hint about the neutron bomb he was able to identify the quantum of morality, which he calls the 'moron' (your guy might have given it a different name). It turns out it's much like a neutron but it's got negative mass, as I said. In fact the particle you've been dealing with has negative mass too, did you know that? Our guy calls it the 'religion'. This is a bit OT, but this theory has allowed us to explain a great deal - I expect your guys got this too. The more religion someone gets the more the proportion of negative mass increases. Naturally the positive mass body increases to compensate. What appears to be happening is that a person stays about the same size or maybe grows a little as they get older, but what's really happening is that the insubstantial bit of their substance (you can't see negative mass, that's why it's never been discovered before) gets bigger and bigger the more religion they gain. As they approach death, the negative mass portion grows but the body can't sustain the equalising growth in positive mass, eventually their overall mass is negative and they float upwards to the heavens.

Interesting, eh? That's what your Existential Bomb does, it strips away all the religions. If someone has no religion, they have entirely positive mass and they just go downwards when they die.

Anyway, we've now got a whole range of different bombs. We've got moron bombs and anti moron bombs, religion bombs and anti religion bombs. We understand that if militant religious and atheist groups get hold of what we've made, the world will be plunged into endless war. We also understand that that scenario will make us an enormous amount of money, so it is exactly what we intend to do.

We have a whole product range developed and ready to go. We came up with this wonderfully efficient product development strategy. We started off testing our lab prototypes on our development engineers. This gave them incredible religious (or anti religious) fervour which drove them to develop ever more effective bombs. Each new generation of weapon is tested on the development team, driving them to ever more zealous weapons development. Of course, we kill a lot of engineers, but that's no problem, we've got loads coming from our eugenics labs. The two ranges of weapons are exactly the same except one is prefixed with a 'D' (for 'Death') while the other is suffixed with a D. We start by selling one side our natty little entry level 1000D, and the other side the almost identical D1000. Of course, they entirely neutralise each other, so after a few megadeaths, they come back to buy the 'enthusiast' 100D or D100. After that, it won't be long before they want the semi pro D10 (or 10D) and eventually the D1 or 1D. Our business plan doesn't even have to stop there, when the stop buying those, we just bring out the next generation, D2000 (2000D) and so on.

The great thing is, after an application of our bombs, our development and production staff are quite willing to work for the love of it, we don't even have to pay or feed them. In fact it's all clear profit. We aren't even going to pay you. We know it was your team's idea, but we don't have to and you can't make us, so we won't.

You might complain that what we are doing is completely unethical, but frankly, we don't give a sh!t.

BTW, if your boss want's to know which one was ours, she was the one whose beard stood on end while he was shagging her.

Edit: and since this is post 151, you can't do anything about it. You've been kinged.

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